Daily Times

Dear Mathira & Rose,

I live in Scotland and I have felt that children around my daughter do notice that she looks different. With her curly hair and dark tones. I take her to different activities with me and she always gets picked last, kids sometimes look at her weirdly. If she asks a kid, “Can I borrow this please?” they would look at her and ignore her. Needless to say, it breaks my heart. Those kids are completely okay with all the other kids. They just are now grown up enough to feel how she is different and they probably do not know how to react to her because there aren’t a lot of brown people here. So how do I deal with it? She doesn’t realise this yet. She doesn’t pick up on their differing attitude yet. I can’t go around talking to all mothers about this. I want her to grow into a confident, self assured woman. How do I do that at this stage?

Rose’s advice:

Scots are as racist as Americans were 30 years ago. This is one of the headlines of one of United Kingdom’s leading newspapers. That means Scotland is one of the racist countries to label people as “brown” or black children as “niggers” or “Pakis” or “Cheengees”. They are racist people and it has nothing to do with your daughter or you being brown or you coming from a brown family or even your husband being the brown one in his family. You have to teach and tell your daughter that one’s skin colour doesn’t matter. It’s the heart that matters. I don’t know how you would explain the skin colour issue to such a young child but what I can tell you is to be your daughter’s best friend. She goes out to a park and when other kids are mean to her or call her names, just don’t let her out with these kids. Make her befriend other Asian kids. This is so she wouldn’t feel depressed on not being able to make friends. At her age, she doesn’t deserve to be a target of this racial discrimination. If they’re not hanging out with her or even lending her stuff, that is sure to take its toll on her mental health.

Mathira’s advice:

Listen, being brown isn’t bad. But where you are, I think Africans are also there. The way the other kids are treating your kid, it just means that they’re racists. Even if she was a little bit fair, they’d still be treating her the same. All I’m going to say is that I’m also brown. I’ve curly hair and I’m dark in my family. My sister is fairer than me but I notice one thing that confidence and happiness isn’t what people give you. Happiness and confidence is what you get at home. You totally have to be there for your daughter. Try getting her brown Barbies. Try to get her to idealise women who have dark skin but are still appreciated so she realises that she’s not the only one with that skin tone and those who have a problem with her colour don’t hold the right to hurt her feelings. So, you need to ensure that she sees those artists who share the same colour as hers so she could love her own self. When she owns and loves her colour and has confidence, the others would shut up. It’s the family that backs a person.

If you want advice on any issue, email us your questions at sisterlyadvice@dailytimes.com.pk