Dear Mathira & Rose, I am 35 years old. I was seeing this man for seven years. I rejected so many good proposals because of him, nearly crossed my marriageable age waiting for him and today he married somebody else because he was pressurised by his parents owing to caste, sectarian and ethnic differences. My world has turned upside down. Give me advice on how to move on. I’m left with no aim in life. I’ve no concept of happiness without him. I dedicated seven years of my life to him but all in vain. I’m financially independent, so that’s not an issue. Please give me tips and suggestions to move on and start a new life. Rose’s advice: I definitely feel your pain. We’ve all been through that stage in our lives where we dedicated our entire self or made ourselves somebody’s else’s property. We’ve all walked down that road and so have I. Seven years is a long time. I once read somewhere that if your relationship lasts seven years with anybody, then it’s going to last for a lifetime. However, after reading what’s happened to you, I’m skeptical of that article. Seven years is three years short of a decade and if he spent almost a decade with you and then comes up with an excuse that his parents got him married and talks about all these differences, then for seven years, where were all these differences? You see, if someone wants to spend his life with you, he does it. He wouldn’t care if you’re black, white, Sunni, Shia or Christian. He would go to any lengths to be with you. It’s all about your priorities. It’s going to take you some time to move on. It’s not going to be easy and it will not take a night. The first step you should take is to love yourself. Start working out and indulging in healthy activities. Go out more often. Take music or dance lessons and socialise more. Try going to parks or for walks. Catch up with your old friends. Go to the cinemas and start reading. Take time off and go for a vacation with your good friends. The more you consider yourself the victim, the more victimised you’ll feel. Take counselling and talk your heart out. You’ll feel lighter. This is a misconception in our society that only mad people see a psychologist. No. You see one because you need to talk to somebody. Those people who don’t have anyone at home to hear them out or anyone in their social circle must see a psychologist. Schedule your session with one. Stay busy. Power your phone off for a while and delete those old photographs which would remind you of him. Start afresh. Sometime when we’re in pain, we often question God on why he put us through it. But later, when we look back, we realise that the pain we went through lead us to this happiness. If you want advice on any issue, email us your questions at sisterlyadvice@dailytimes.com.pk Mathira’s advice: I’m sorry you’re going through all this. Seven years is a huge part of life. Moving on isn’t easy. I want you to focus on yourself and on how you look, what you do and what your wear. I want you to look as glamourous as you should. I’m so happy to know that you’re financially independent. I think every girl should be like that. Someway, somewhere, everybody goes through this rough patch and they’ve to face it. What that man did was bad. You can’t be pressurised in spending your life with someone, unless you want to do it yourself. I believe in a very strong fact that karma’s there. When karma pulls its strings, the world sees. I think you should leave everything on karma. I want you to travel. Go somewhere where you didn’t think you’d go and make a little bucketlist. Have faith and don’t give up. I don’t believe in castes and we’re all human to start off with. Breaking someone’s heart is a very big sin and the biggest crime but not everyone thinks like that. You’re a strong woman and it’s okay. It’s just a test and maybe you’ll find someone who falls head over heels in love with you. If it’s 12 o’clock in the night then it’s 12 o’clock in the morning as well. So don’t worry as time changes. Focus on your beauty. Just be happy. Don’t let a stupid, fake relationship bring you down. This man completely never loved you. You can’t do this to someone. Believe in God and pray. The more you feel the pain, the closer to God you come. Sometimes, you need to pretend to be happy until you’re actually happy. This world is only with the happy people. The moment they realise that you’re sad, not well or things aren’t going well for you, they step back. Pretend that everything’s okay. Don’t run and search for answers. Let time answer your questions and things will fall into place. The time will come when you’ll think how stupid you were to be with a man like that for seven years, trust me. If you want advice on any issue, email us your questions at sisterlyadvice@dailytimes.com.pk