Daily Times

Pakistan on Monday became the country with the highest number of women dying after rejecting marriage proposals. The #MenArePeopleToo campaign awarded the country with the title after extensive research.

It is followed closely by neighbouring India, which gained the second place by only a small margin.

Talking about the achievement, Pakistan’s Minister for Male Rights, Maulvi Tameez-Ur-Gaee said that he appreciated that the nation had beaten it’s biggest nemesis.

“We are better than India, that’s all that matters,” he said with a smile.

When asked if he was worried about Pakistan’s soft image the minister responded in the negative and added: “This is a progressive country. Some women are getting hurt but do they have to wait in line to get roti from the tandoor? No! Our respect for women ensures that they do not have to work too hard.”

On June 9, Umer Daraz, a security guard, shot and killed a bus hostess after she refused his proposal for marriage. Maulvi Tameez said that the incident showed that men too were becoming more compassionate.

“In the past, men would throw acid at women and leave them alive. This man had such a big heart, he loved her so much that he killed her instantly to spare her a painful life,” he said.

The #NeverPakistaniMen movement, that was borne of the #notallmen trend, also released an official statement about the incident.

“We genuinely think that the award just shows that men have been so oppressed that they can’t take it any longer. Women are getting killed, but men’s hearts are breaking — as we all know if you break someone’s heart even God won’t save you from hell, and that’s where all these women are going,” the statement read.

In case it wasn’t obvious, this is a satirical piece

Published in Daily Times, June 19^th 2018.