When I saw Nawaz Sharif take evasive action for the shoe thrown at him, it seemed like an action replay of how he had mocked Tahirul Qadri regarding a startling reaction. The incident, nonetheless, is another sign of lack of respect for everything and everyone in this country. It also reminded me of an old saying that politics and religion are like pairs of shoes; find ones that fit you, but do not throw yours at others. Respect in simple terms is regard and admiration for others and ourselves. It is about understanding others’ feelings; listening to them, being courteous, not taking advantage, and making them feel important. It is also a measure of self-esteem and cultural values. Living by this convention, societies flourish because people treat others with goodwill, honour their values, and look up to their institutions. Respect is the spirit that creates a heavenly space where our souls may breathe. When I was growing up, respect was the buzzword. Among others, one was expected to respect elders, teachers, public figures and the state institutions. As a consequence, truth was appreciated, freedom fighters were worshiped, and the finery of language and courtesies was admired. Ignorance and Intolerance were considered as cardinal signs of inadequate education and bigotry. People did not live black and white lives. We used to appreciate all the colours and creeds, and affection was cultivated by allowing our vulnerabilities to be known, and by honouring the connections that grew from love and trust. All of us, including Nawaz Sharif, have contributed to the prevalent lack of respect in the society. The evil began when we started treating (and buying) people as things; or worse, when we started treating them based on external trappings including skin colour, clothing, type of car driven, wealth, and job status/rank. From then onwards, many of us got hooked on public displays of materialism to acquire social power as a sign of respect. The educated, who had the potential to right these wrongs, left quietly. Unfortunately, the weak got left behind for the tyrants to rule, and they could not resist. We were ruled by a handful of ‘democratic and undemocratic’ tyrants. Unlimited power in the hands of limited people leads to nothing but wickedness. They assumed responsibility over our lives by taking away our strengths. Within their set-up, basic human rights were taken away. Fear became the order of the day: fear of losing dignity, fear of poverty, fear of torture, fear of death, and fear of losing friends, family and property. In its most insidious form, fear became rational or even good judgment, denouncing as foolish or futile, the small daily acts of courage and defiance, which used to help us preserve our self-respect. When afraid, we lose sense of analysis and reflection. A strong ruler in this country is synonymous with one who treats us badly (because slaves are expected to sing as well as work). His anger and our fear were the proofs that he approved of us and we were safe. The society also evolved accordingly as the capable dreamt of being strong men and of ruling over the society by power. As it was not easy in practical terms, they relied on politics and joined the strong political parties. In this journey, where we treated those unjustly who did not share our religious or political beliefs, respect was the obvious casualty. Did it matter if by downgrading one’s mind one succeeds in dictating everyone? Some might have even discovered their own sweet dreams of domination! Respect can also be a paradox. If we extend unlimited respect to those who are intolerant and destroy a tolerant society, the tolerant will be eliminated along with the culture of respect Respect can also be a paradox. If we extend unlimited respect to those who are intolerant and destroy a tolerant society, the tolerant will be eliminated along with the culture of respect. Is that why we hate almost everyone else now? We hate people for being beautiful, successful, happy, modern or religious — we just hate them. We probably hate them because they represent something we do not have. It is not about them. It is about us, and the hatred we have for ourselves. In our national life, we seem to have built too many walls and not enough bridges inside or outside the country. You cannot harbour malice toward people or institutions when it suits you and cry foul when someone disrespects you by throwing a shoe. When you tolerated and encouraged prejudices over the years, intolerance and disrespect grew into monsters. You may rise in righteousness against the words and deeds of intolerance and disrespect, but only when you are willing to rise against all of them, including yours. Otherwise you should suffer the sorrows (and shoes) of disrespect silently. Beneath all hatred and disrespectful behaviour lies a profound emptiness. Anger, agitation, and antipathy are ways of filling that emptiness. Until we have the courage to recognise the lack of respect for what it is, we cannot expect things to get better. We cannot have peace among men whose hearts delight in hurting others. Similarly, by every gesture that glorifies or tolerates idiotic delight in disrespecting others, we set back the clock of civilisation. The writer is a Consultant Psychiatrist and Visiting Professor. He tweets @AamerSarfraz Published in Daily Times, March 15th 2018.