Punjab’s alluvial soil is fertile, materially and morally both. Its material riches were a blessing and a bane at the same time. Blessing because it enriched people, society and the state that controlled it, whether from Delhi, Lahore, Multan, Kabul or Ghazni. Bane because her riches seduced invaders and acted as grist to their greed mills, more often letting them loose upon the subcontinent in search of treasure, territory and relief from dreadful want and wanton killings in their homelands. Except the Umayyad invasion of Sindh-Punjab led by Mohammad Bin Qasim, which was for reasons of strategic security of the imperial flank and lucrative sea trade, all others who followed were fleeing from death and scarcity rampant in the Central Asian heartland, neighbouring Afghanistan and Iran. Conversely, they were pushed out by more powerful claimants to their native thrones like Babar, the first Mughal Emperor of India, from Ferghana. There were others who were vassals of their distant monarchs in Bokhara, Kabul, Ghazni and Kandahar but seeing them weakened, claimed suzerainty over the territories under their care in north-western India. The Khiljis, Tughlaqs, Lodhis and other slave kings were but a few of this kind. Punjab had to contend with most of these fortune hunters along with attendant bloodshed, plunder and chaos. However, there were intervening periods of great stability and prosperity too, under quite a few stronger military governors. The fear of return of anarchy always haunted Punjabis as neighbouring states and little kingdoms underwent their own convulsions. During these periods of peace, roving clowns of Punjab would sprout in cities and towns aping a robber, marauder, foreign soldier, rebel or a traveller robbed and wounded and so on. They would appear singly or at times in pairs, which meant a more elaborate act of clowning for maximum realism in the performance and as a result optimum entertainment once it ended. These public entertainment acts were built into the irrepressibly fun-loving nature of the Punjabis regardless of the difficulties and hovering clouds of war and destruction. Therefore, although it might not be such a novel idea or result of a deeply intellectual exercise, but was very special to Punjabis in their unbeatably inimitable style. It was rooted in the rural theatrical entertainment traditions but differed in its informality, freedom from a fixed stage and any elaborate paraphernalia. More importantly, the audience was part of the act and not detached spectators. After the advent of British rule in India and then in Punjab, as much else, clowning was also institutionalised and brought under the gaze of the administration, and rightly so as a misstep by a clown or the audience could easily become a matter of public order or safety. From then on potential clowns were required to register, obtain a practising licence or written permission. These innocent public entertainment acts continued well into Pakistan until we, as a people, ran out of the capacity to laugh at ourselves and our egos outgrew our worth. Thereafter they slowly slid into anonymity but there were others who persisted and prospered. The British were very shrewd rulers. While they arranged to let their native subjects enjoy a prank or two at their cost by the clowns, they were secretly busy creating a class of shadow clowns of a different genre. This was a crop of loyal servants, grooms and yeomen raised to the level of a landed and privileged aristocracy through grants and jagirs (large landed estates) albeit at the cost of those patriotic, high-minded and noble men who refused to bow to the new masters. Naturally, the latter were dispossessed, displaced and banished from the corridors of power and positions of authority. That created a large social gap and a power vacuum at the middle levels of the structure of the British Indian Empire. This is where these loyal men proven in battle and service in peacetime came handy and were inducted and rewarded. Nobody should really grudge them their wealth and influence as this has been a historic practice of all emerging empires — old and new. Collaborators, loyal servants, battle-tested soldiers, spying shadow men and go-betweens are rewarded when an old system is vanquished and is replaced by the victor’s version. The problem arose when this neo-rich class began to believe in their ‘natural entitlement ‘and order others about and around. Since they had risen to positions of power by means of chance and menial service to their masters, that meant via the servants’ staircase, therefore they lacked sophistication of thought, refined mannerisms, grace of an established family and more critically, a history of noble struggle. This unbridgeable gap and deficient credibility led them to be arrogant, ill mannered and undignified. This upstart class suffered from a few other very serious character failings. They had a tendency to buckle under pressure, to evade responsibility for their actions and falsify when in a tight corner. Beyond that, they could switch sides without blinking even once. Sounds familiar? These undesirable traits gave rise to a power culture of opportunism, self-preservation and unprincipled public dealings, just as ours is. Punjab in particular and the rest of the territories around in general were degenerating under their unfortunate influence. Who has ever heard of proud sardars pulling the buggy of the British governor-general as used to be done in Sibi Darbars in full public view? Punjab had to once again bear with most of this newest aberration that the British inflicted upon us to meet the ends of their imperial rule. The slipshod manner in which Pakistan came into being and the unfortunate dearth of committed, trained and visionary leadership that we got stuck with was ripe for the insertion of the British-manufactured and expedient aristocracy into our state power. Then the inevitable disaster struck. In league with these unprincipled power seekers, the army took over the rule of the country and entrenched itself into state power decisively and nearly irreversibly. The clowns of yore were more honourable men in many ways than the ones who rule over us. At the heart of their play-acting was the pleasure of the people. They followed the rules of their business; no citizen was hurt, deprived of his possessions, money or respect because of their successful disguise. A practising licence, prior information to the local police and a self-imposed forward limit to the act were always kept in mind. Should a viewer take offence they would promptly end the act and apologise profusely. They would not touch sensitive religious, sectarian and controversial matters to maintain public harmony. They would not be obscene, clever or insolent. Their sense of propriety was so developed that when public patience started to run out and their space began to shrink, they quietly bowed out of public life. It is now years since one has ever seen a clown of that quality. Those who are around are a terribly poor imitation. The ones we as a nation are forced to endure now are not the pedigreed but the grafted mongrels that are no patch in any way on the wandering clowns of Punjab. They are an affront to the open, fun-loving and generous nature of our people and quite unworthy creatures. These shadow clowns or rather court jesters have no pretensions about any ethics or principles except rank corruption, utter misgovernance and endless falsifications. One is not sure about these scruffy stooges representing our public face and high offices but even clowns have morals. The writer is a retired brigadier of the Pakistan Army and can be reached at clay.potter@hotmail.com