Daily Times

Last week, I promised my readers an entire column about the comic relief that could be provided by Mian Nawaz Sharif, the Prime Minister (PM) of Pakistan, but then circumstances intervened that have, by necessity, turned our attention to more serious matters. The circumstances are of course the military action against the terrorists, clearly not a matter given to comedic thoughts.
So, with great anticipation, I watched the PM address the National Assembly (NA) about the army action. I was expecting a ‘lion’s’ roar but what I heard barely qualifies as a ‘cat’s meow’. I have often referred to the PM in the past as the best retail politician in Pakistan. During his brief presence in the NA he seemed listless, dejected and depressed. He spoke for just a few minutes and that also from a piece of paper. Gone was the man who could talk extemporaneously for hours.
The worst was when the PM in his brief speech to the NA asked the permission of the ‘house’ to speak. Did his speechwriter not realise that the PM is not only a member of the house but the leader of the house? I have listened to speeches delivered in the UK House of Commons as well as in the US Congress. Never have I ever heard the leader of the house, or even an ordinary member, ask permission of the house to speak. Yes, it is customary to ask permission from the ‘chair’. Clearly, whoever wrote the PM’s speech has little idea about parliamentary democracy and how it works. And, sadly, the PM was ‘instructed’ it seems to stick to what was written for him.
The other thing many of us have noticed is that the PM never meets any important foreign leader without a ‘minder’ in tow and that usually is a member of his immediate family. When he is on his own as he was with President Obama or in the NA, he is instructed to stick to a ‘written script’ provided by his handlers. This is entirely reminiscent of what happened to President Reagan after he met Mr Gorbachev in Iceland and wanted to share all the details of the Strategic Defence Initiative, better known as ‘Star Wars’, with him.
However, that does bring me to a foreign policy initiative that is clearly the brainchild of the PM: sending a ‘white sari’ for the Indian PM’s mother. Other than the quibble why a sari was not sent for Mr Modi’s wife, I really believe that it was a brilliant idea. I strongly suggest that the PM should collect a bunch of white saris and send them all over the world to many world leaders, starting with President Obama.
I can well imagine Obama wearing a white sari around him as a ‘toga’ and running around the White House emulating John Belushi in Animal House. Going through what he is these days, Obama needs some serious comic relief. Whether the first lady will approve is beside the point. But the Pakistani PM will at least have done his bit to elevate the level of joy in the White House.
Moving towards the east, in the UK, the most appropriate person to receive a white sari would be Prince Charles, the heir to the British throne. Prince Charles is well known to wear ‘dresses’ of all sorts with great aplomb. Further east, President Hollande of France should receive at least a dozen so he can dole them out to all his past, present and future ‘companions’. In Europe, Madam Chancellor of Germany wearing a Pakistani sari would indeed be a ‘feather in the cap’ for our PM and a great ‘intro’ for Pakistani textiles in the European markets. If President Obama gets a sari, clearly President Putin of Russia deserves one. And, of course, Putin will also use it as a ‘toga’ but, unlike Obama, he will definitely show his ‘pecs’ and will have pictures taken in ‘heroic’ poses with a ‘laurel’ on his head as if he were Caesar. He is, after all, the ‘conqueror of Crimea’.
In the great continent of Africa, our president recently visited President Goodluck of Nigeria. I wonder if he took a few white saris with him; if he did not, he should have. As far as President Mugabe of Zimbabwe is concerned, I insist that the next time our cricket team visits, Mr Sethi, if he is still chairman of the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB), should bring a few white saris as presents. I am sure that both Mugabe and Sethi would really look great in white saris.
Further up north we have the field marshal better known as ‘Sisi of Egypt’ just as another field marshal was known 100 years ago as ‘Kitchener of Khartoum’. President Sisi, like President Putin, absolutely needs a white sari so he can use it as a toga and picture himself as Caesar, the conqueror of Egypt. In the Middle East, much of Asia and the Far East, saris as presents might not be appreciated. And the PM of Bangladesh probably has a closet full of them already.
Now, a bit about what is being called the ‘tragedy in Lahore’. The Chief Minister (CM) of Punjab, well known for micromanaging everything that goes on in his province, insists that he knew nothing about a police action that went on for hours ‘down the street’ from his home. Around 11 people are dead and many more seriously injured. That the CM knew nothing about what was on television for much of the day is hard to believe. Perhaps the CM has stopped watching television after a certain private television channel went off the air. If he knew about it but is denying that he knew about it then that is worse. One bit of advice for the CM: in his frenzy to fire all those responsible, I hope he does not accidentally fire himself one of these days.

The writer has practiced and taught medicine in the US. He can be reached at smhmbbs70@yahoo.com