KARACHI: Hours after video footage showed him violently assaulting K21 reporter Saima Kanwal, Frontier Constabulary (FC) guard Hassan Abbas has apologised for his actions. Talking to Khabaristan Times after becoming an overnight celebrity, Abbas said that scrolling through his social media accounts made him realise there was no justification for his actions. “I realised there was no justification for what I did, after reading the justifications provided by my supporters on my behalf,” the FB guard said. “I saw my supporters and apologists going to incredible lengths to defend me, and no one would do that in such huge numbers in Pakistan if I hadn’t done something wrong.” Abbas added that while the excuses made on his behalf were typical, he was pleasantly surprised to have such a wide supporters’ base. “Not only were the usual suspects rallying for me, many erstwhile liberal fascists were also joining in. I feel honoured. I don’t think anyone has managed to muster such an ideologically diverse fan-base since Quaid-e-Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah,” he said. The FC guard revealed that his favourite excuses were media related, and not centered on gender dynamics. “I mean just because she was obnoxious, insufferable and unprofessional – which she was – does not mean that I should’ve hit her,” he said. “If people were getting smacked for being unbearable, majority of the population in Pakistan would get a daily smack down.” Abbas repeated he was sorry for his actions, and thanked his supporters for showing him light. “There is absolutely no justification for what I did, no ifs and butts,” he stressed. “And I’d like my fans to do the same and refrain from highlighting the so-called provocations when any act of violence is committed.” The satire originally appeared in Khabaristan Times and has been reproduced with permission.