The only thing I wanted to do as an undergraduate in the US was to return to Pakistan and serve it to the best of my ability. I did not plan on staying there after I was done. There was no temptation to seek a better life in the US. I was wildly optimistic about Pakistan’s future under General Pervez Musharraf and his doctrine of enlightened moderation. Precisely 15 years ago I returned to Pakistan after graduating with a clear purpose in life defined entirely by a patriotic sense of duty. Soon afterwards rejecting a job in the banking sector, I started teaching Economics at my old school. Simultaneously I enrolled in a local law college, earning the LLB degree in due course. I worked variously as a business executive, a sub-editor at this very newspaper and even as a research assistant to an eccentric old philosopher, before finally embarking on a career in law. The reason I chose law as a profession was because I felt I could contribute to the society by using constitution and law as my weapons. Being young is all about being naïve. I was as naïve as they come. The way the interior ministry continues to stoke the blasphemy fire against those who are dissenting voices essential for democracy means that we would see more blood flowing in our neighbourhoods It is not because Pakistan is a death trap as the young lady from India described it rather uncharitably recently. Indeed it is rather tragic that Uzma Ahmed would describe Pakistan in the terms she did. The situation for women in Pakistan is not ideal but it is not very different from the situation of women in India and in the case of Muslim women, legally Pakistani Muslim women have more rights under the Muslim Family Law Ordinance 1961 than what Indian Muslim personal law grants them. In any event if what Uzma Ahmed says were true, then Islamabad High Court would not have sent her back after due process of law. At the very least Uzma Ahmed should not have spit on those many Pakistanis, including her lawyers, who helped her escape an impossible situation. Nevertheless she has become the symbol for Pakistan bashers in India. Such is the nature of Indo-Pakistan rivalry; a perpetual case of pot calling the kettle black and kettle returning the compliment. No my complaint against Pakistan is not that it has treated me badly personally. It has not. I consider myself very lucky. Instead my disappointment arises out of a realization that Pakistan as a country and a nation has always squandered its potential. Pakistan has continuously taken wrong turns during its history and we can point those starting as early as 1948 but over the past 15 years I have seen these wrong turns unfold in front of my eyes. Whatever his reasons for taking power, General Musharraf spoke a great game about what he planned on doing for the country. We who supported his regime naively thought he was going to be Pakistan’s Kemal Ataturk transforming Pakistan into a modern secular democratic state. Instead he chose to ally himself with the Chaudhrys of Gujrat. Now I have nothing against the Chaudhrys of Gujrat but they were the run of the mill old world politicians we wanted to be rid of. Just as we expected the Chaudhrys forced the would-be soldier statesman to go back on his word. Even something as benign as the daylight savings time, so essential for a power starved country, was shelved. Religion column – that most discriminatory policy- was restored in the passport. Instead of taking advantage of the global consensus against terrorism and ridding Pakistan of all extremist groups, Musharraf regime adopted a duplicitous policy that ultimately resulted in what happened in Army Public School in 2014. General Musharraf also installed a rag tag coalition of fundamentalist religious parties in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa through rigging, all to get his 17th Amendment passed. To Musharraf clinging on to power became more important than doing what was right by the country. Then came the disaster that was the lawyers’ movement. It was instigated by an excessively foolish action by the regime, which allowed a nobody like the then Chief Justice, a product of PCO himself, to become the champion of civilian supremacy and restoration of democracy. Our hopes for a progressive Pakistan were dashed again when Benazir Bhutto was assassinated in cold blood and the conspiracy covered up with the active connivance of all concerned. Benazir Bhutto would have made a great Prime Minister. Yet we saw her die. More dreams were dashed that day. It seemed like Pakistan would never recover. In many ways it never did. The PPPP government that took power from Musharraf proved thoroughly inept and ineffectual. Sure it passed the 18th Amendment but the 18th Amendment did not go far enough to undo the pernicious and harmful legacy of General Zia. Not long afterwards the one man who had the courage to speak out against religious bigotry in the country was mercilessly gunned down in Kohsar Market. His assassin was instantaneously hailed as a hero by a very large part of our society. Nothing sickened me more than to see lawyers, my brethren in black coats, shower rose petals on a man who broke the law in a most blatant and offensive manner. I was rudely awoken to the reality that the people I had dreamt of serving were not people I understood or even wanted to call my own. A majority of Pakistanis are crazed extremists who endorse lynching in the name of religion. This was confirmed earlier this year when young Mashal Khan was brutally lynched. The current government has made its own series of unfortunate wrong turns. The way the interior ministry continues to stoke the blasphemy fire against those who are dissenting voices essential for democracy means that we would see more blood flowing in our neighbourhoods. Mashal Khan was the first. He won’t be the last. I have lost my nationality and identity. I am unable to associate myself with the majority of the people in this country. So here I am, 15 years later, once a proud Pakistani now almost desperate to escape the country. I might not be able to, but at the very least I would like to caution all young Pakistanis living or studying abroad – thing long and hard before coming back. Don’t put too much faith in patriotism. It is a fleeting and an ultimately a useless emotion that brings nothing but heartbreak for Pakistanis. Pakistan will always disappoint you. The writer is a practising lawyer. He blogs at hhtp://globallegalforum.blogspot.com and his twitter handle is @therealylh