There are entire families in Pakistan who for a number of years have had a steady source of income coming in through remittance from family members living abroad. It is like a tax levied upon their siblings who managed to leave the country, and may be zooming ahead in life faster than their imagination. Their ex-Pakistani loved one is made to feel guilty at every new turn of his life, and money is extorted using various emotions. This money transfer usually starts off as a one-off thing, as a lending hand in times of need to a dear one. Soon enough, in most cases, it turns into an addiction for the reciever who uses any excuse to call for more money. Helping people out in need is a great virtue, but financial assistance should be preserved for those who truly are in need of it, and not the ones who are in habit of asking. Close to me, I know of many families who have survived for years completely on money coming in through their brothers or sisters living in the UK, USA, Canada etc. Easy money is great, and it propels laziness; the recipient eventually stops working or making efforts to tend after his/her family because of the I-have-a-brother-abroad refrain. So while those living overseas — the sender — work hard, take out student loans to complete his studies, take public transportation, fight to keep a healthy credit score and look out for flyers screaming “weekend sale,” all that a party in distress back home has to do is make one international call. The caller often and, repeatedly, throw in Urdu words like mehengai (inflation), haalat kharab (worsening conditions) or hartal (strike) to scare their loved one who would promptly send some cash. This cycle continues for years till the dear one residing abroad or his family lands in Pakistan for their holidays. Instead of being the chief guest, and being honoured, this sender of monies often becomes the host once all over again as relatives cling onto him/her to buy them this or that. Family dinners outside mean he/she will be paying for the entire clan! It is always the pocket that keeps the pounds and the dollars that feels the pinch. Relatives also keep a close watch on their non-resident Pakistani visitor’s purchases and their whereabouts like CIA agents. Surely there is inflation in Pakistan, it is there in every part of the world, but the wired money transfers has shaped up entire colony of families whose livelihood has flourished thanks to easy remittance of money, the fluctuating rupee and some melodramatic arm-twisting. It is no wonder then that some expatriates are often forced to return to Pakistan to sort out property issues. The family land-grabbing “mafia” often tries to defraud them from inherited or hard-earned assets. They use the but-you-live-outside card to consume wealth that is not lawfully theirs. At the heart of the problem is jealousy: a national sport with us Pakistanis. We like to see people prospering but not more than us. People take immense pride and invest a lot of their time in pulling others down. The complex Pakistani extended family system is riddled with politics that is more toxic than the one we see on the national level. Most of the social interaction between a group is now based upon acquiring information of the other. The warm and genuine how-are-you? has been smoothly replaced by “So what are you doing nowadays?” In other words, they mean to ask is: So when can I start being a crab with you? As long as the desire to acquire more will keep increasing, the mode of obtaining ill-gotten rupees will keep on taking new shapes. The clergy, parents at home and even teachers ought to address this underlying issue that is eroding people from the inside as greed knows no end. For the past few days, all Pakistanis have mourned Abdul Sattar Edhi’s death. We have talked extensively about his simple nature and about the legacy he left behind. Yet, he was someone who never begged for himself, and he raised alms for those unfortunate ones who are shunned by our heartless society. When overseas Pakistanis continue giving unnecessary funds to their able-bodied relatives in Pakistan, they fool themselves into thinking they are performing acts of charity. In fact, money is being kept away from the deserving candidates who live on the frayed edges of a morally corrupt society. Edhi saheb once remarked, in a televised interview, “I see a lot of Muslims around but I don’t see human beings at all.” Charity needs to reach the less cherished. The writer is a freelance columnist with a degree in Cultural Studies and a passion for social observation, especially all things South Asian. She tweets @chainacoffeemug