LONDON: With the sheer volume of allegations clearly exceeding his patience, Mutahidda Qaumi Movement (MQM) Chief Altaf Hussain was left distraught by allegations of being an agent of for the Board of Cricket Control in India (BCCI). Bhai’s reaction comes after many state and non-state elements claimed that he orchestrated the attack on the ARY office and chanting of anti-Pakistan slogans at BCCI’s tip to distract attention away from the Pakistan cricket team being crowned the number 1 Test side in the world. “RAW agent is fine, and not technically incorrect either, but don’t you bloody dare care me a BCCI spy,” Bhai said while addressing the media through a Skype call. “I am a proud Pakistani and a true Pakistani would die instead of supporting the Indian cricket team. Or in my case I would rather spy for their intelligence agency than their cricket board.” When asked how he would explain the sheer coincidence that the ARY attack and anti-Pakistan slogans coincided with what many are touting as Pakistan cricket’s greatest achievements Bhai said he wasn’t up to date with the ICC rankings. “I don’t quite know how the rankings work, but like any proud Pakistani I am a staunch cricket fan who supports the team through thin and thinnest,” he told the media. “If you doubt my contributions to Pakistan cricket, it’s your turn to tell me whether it was sheer coincidence that Pakistan won both their Test matches against England in London – where I happen to live.” Bhai further added that he wasn’t hurt by MQM disowning him as much as he was by the Pakistani cricket fans disowning him. “They have forgotten the time when Pakistan were almost unbeatable in Karachi. Do you think our Test record over there was – to you use your phrase again – sheer coincidence?” he asked. With these fresh allegations, and MQM distancing itself from him, Bhai sees himself getting involved in Pakistan cricket more overtly. “Neither the cricket nor yours truly play in Pakistan any more – it’s a perfect match,” he concluded. This satire originally appeared in Khabaristan Times and has been reproduced with permission