Satire: Cement addiction on rise in Lahore as citizens crave more flyovers

Since making of one of the world’s best public transport system, Metro Bus, citizens have been craving the beautiful grey concrete hanging all over in the city.
Satire: Cement addiction on rise in Lahore as citizens crave more flyovers
19-Sep-16
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LAHORE: After the citizens of Lahore were seen rallying in parts of the city over insufficient and slow construction work in the city, scientists from the US-based National Institute on Drug Abuse (Nida) confirmed that cement addiction has risen multifold in Punjab’s provincial capital.

In Nida’s study it was revealed that the average cement intake of a Lahore citizen has increased from 4 mg per day to now over 1.68 grams per day.

“It is a clear case of concrete intoxication (CCI), also known as multiple cement intake (MCI) or lethal polycement intoxication,” says Nida’s Albert Bryant. “CCI is often confused with drug overdose, but it is a completely different phenomenon.”

Bryant confirmed that the study necessitated by demonstrations in support of further construction work in the city.

“Since the making of one of the world’s best public transport system, the Metro Bus, the citizens have been seen to crave the beautiful gray concrete hanging all over in the city,” Nida’s Jalena Bilic said.

The latest rally took place on Laksmi Chowk River – another miracle of the city’s evolving landscape. “Everyone was enjoying the Venetian side of Lahore,” says Bahadur Malik one of the protestors. “The river looked more stunning as it added a lot of suspense as to what lied beneath the waters.”

The citizens demanded that they love how the country was on its way to success and wanted yet another flyover at Kalma Chowk. “The underpass on Kalma Chowk will always remain my favourite,” says Nazia Bhatti a civil engineering professor at UET. “That was the one that got me snorting for cement,” she adds.

“Ideally there should be one slide next to it as well for the pedestrians not all of whom would prefer to swim across the road.”

The protestors said DHA and Model Town need to be connected through an underground underpass. One major road connection was also demanded by Jamshed Janjua, a ghost from Gora Qabristan. “I need to be connected to all other graveyards for better social interaction,” he told Khabaristan Times.

All these points have been put forth for the Lahore Development Authority (LDA). Hopefully we will see more construction soon.

 

This satire originally appeared in Khabristan Times and has been reproduced with permission


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